Who We End Up Loving, (And Why Dating Sites Are BS).

who we love photo by Surprising Lives

It’s Monday evening, and the TV is on while I putter around doing miscellaneous things. Admittedly I like having the background sound on more than I appreciate what’s showing.

But, as I sat down for a minute, by luck (not), a dating site commercial came on.

Slick, beautiful faces fill the TV screen happily chirping about the kind of person that they’re looking for as a life mate.

“I’m looking for someone who loves dogs as much as I do.”

“I’m looking forward to meeting other professionals.”

“I’m looking for someone who is rich.” Okay, I’m kidding, this last one is fake. But it wouldn’t surprise me if I heard it.

I think most people would agree, at least publicly, that these adverts are horribly superficial and that dating sites won’t bring you real love or a lasting partnership.

In fact, Psychology Today reports that “according to research conducted at Michigan State University, relationships that start out online are 28% more likely to break down in their first year, than relationships where the couples first met face-to-face. And it gets worse. Couples who met online are nearly 3 times as likely to get divorced as couples that met face-to-face.”

When you compare those statistics with the data that reports over fifty percent of marriages end up in divorce, dating site’s success rates are appalling.

But the continued rise and popularity of dating sites and apps is undoubtedly due to our techy culture’s increasing desire for the easy button. Quick and easy solutions for everything.

But, as they say, you can’t rush love.

Which brings me to the point that came to mind when I saw the silly ad.

How many of us actually end up falling in love with and making a lifetime commitment to someone who fits the profile of who we thought we wanted in our life?

Is it really important when choosing a partner that they also love dogs, cats, or whatever, as much as you?

Do we actually end up choosing a partner who matches our idealized expectations, desires, and tastes?

For me, my husband was utterly different from my expectations. I never could have imagined loving and having a family with the type of man I ended up marrying.

But that wasn’t a bad thing. I was very happy for many years.

However, I’m not a good example. My marriage failed after almost thirty years. Perhaps our differences were why our marriage failed, but I don’t think that’s necessarily correct.

I think who we meet and fall in love with is often someone we would least expect.

The reason behind this circumstance is that we’re often attracted to people who possess traits that we wish we were stronger in and admire.

We often pair with people who have something we want to achieve, like a big family or higher education.

We want someone to balance and compliment us as opposed to matching us.

What are your thoughts?

I’d love to hear your opinion and experience on this topic. Feel free to share your ideas in the comment section.

Let’s continue the conversation.

 

6 thoughts on “Who We End Up Loving, (And Why Dating Sites Are BS).”

  1. Yes, I agree with you Amanda. Dating sites are okay for a few, but many have been conned by looks, including me. Never again. In fact I found love on my WordPress doorstep. Good post my friend 🙂 <3

  2. We’re taught to fall madly in love and believe that kind of 100MPH comet-ride love is supposed to last a lifetime. Truth is, that kind of love only lasts for a few years. People think if there isn’t a raging fire inside, it isn’t love. But love is the warmth of embers and comfort of knowing you’re coming home to someone as much a part of you as you are to that person.

    I know of two people who met through a dating site and are still together a decade later. But you’re correct — a person has to truly know what you want for a dating site to work for them.

    I’ve been with the same person for over 2 decades now and can tell you that if I’d met him 40 years ago the marriage wouldn’t have lasted 4 years. Why? Because I had to get some maturity behind me first. So I suppose it is also true that the person you needed at 20 might not be the same person you need at 40. If you don’t grow into these needs together, you grow apart.

    These days, I consider a 20 year marriage successful.

    • Very wise on so many fronts. I agree with everything you say. I know that the next person in my life will be very different from my husband and who I imagined I wanted when I was younger.
      Thanks so much for adding your thoughts. ?

  3. In my experience and I consider myself to be very lucky, is having someone who’s a friend. That’s all I ever wanted, was a friend to travel through this giant ant farm in space.
    I’ve oftened wondered about dating sites and the whole notion of ‘downloading’ a partner. After all, the initial attraction must surely be based on looks.

    • I think your ideal of finding a friend to travel through life with is the best and healthiest perspective you can have. And see, it’s worked out perfectly for you.
      You’re right, dating sites are obviously set up to be all about looks. In fact over 40 percent (almost 50 percent) of people who use dating sites admit to lying on their profile. Which includes posting younger or edited photos of themselves. So, for sure the odds of success are dismal at best if you base a relationship on those type of fabrications.
      Thanks for your input Trev ?

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